just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
