he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
