I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
