Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
