no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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