and you said cock pushups were impossible
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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