I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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