dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize