I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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