My hand turned me down
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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