I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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