Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
