how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
