we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
