Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
