sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
