He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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