god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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