Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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