You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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