Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
