...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
