In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
