Cold hands, warm shart.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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