Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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