If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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