Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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