I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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