sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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