so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
