I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
