so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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