I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you inspire me to be a worse person
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
