Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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