why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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