On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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