Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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