The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
