well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
