Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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