And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
