Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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