So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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