you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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