8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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