Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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