I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
