In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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