Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
