i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
