i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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