i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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