This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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