it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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