Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
