i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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