Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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