someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
