i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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