I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
