ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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