Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
nutella sex= disaster
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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